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I wish it didn’t bother me so much, but edgelord kids spouting off random acephobia just ports me back years ago when I just thought I was a broken person. I was ostracized in school all the same, didn’t matter. I tried forcing myself into relationships that only ended up damaging me in the end. Being told I was a disappointment, being told I wasn’t complete, being told I wasn’t valid.
I wasn’t even away what asexuality was until my early twenties, and I have to wonder how much less pain I would have had if I had at least known I wasn’t alone.
All you het aces still belong in pride remember that and ignore those who tell you differently
who are yall gonna invite next, het couples that are so str8 that its “queer”?
Yeah well bi people in “het” relationships have been told they aren’t welcome to come to pride because gatekeepers see them as straight, so we’ve been there done that.
stop comparing cishet aces to biphobia, biphobia is an intracommunity issue and cishet aces dont belong to the community
Nope I won’t because aphobia is recycled biphobia as I just pointed out. Not being “queer enough” to be in the LGBT community is something bi people have had to fight against for decades, and the same shitty arguments are being trotted out against ace/aro people.
You know, I always thought it was a little dishonest whenever I saw that, “@ aces, stop comparing your experiences to bisexuals’,” because by and large it’s not bi folks saying this nor ace folks making the comparison. It was just a smokescreen.
But now here we have it, cranked up to ten. They’re knowingly and explicitly telling bi people not to talk about our own lived experiences, or the parallels we see in other marginalized groups. I guess they’ve finally realized they can’t weaponize us against each other, this is their last Hail Mary to safeguard their fragile reactionism. Well, I say “last.”
Bi people CAN and SHOULD talk about their experiences within and outside of the community. No one’s kicking bisexuals out. What people are asking is for bisexual people not to bring their opposite sex partners to pride parades, and yes in general that means a cis man + cis woman couple, the kind that’s accepted and has rights everywhere in the world?? Because yes pride is one of the few times a year where people in same-sex couples can safely be together in public so bringing your het partner there who you are in a socially accepted relationship with IS fucking insensitive. It doesn’t mean the bi person themselves isn’t allowed to go to pride, of course they can!! We’re just asking for you not to bring you cis straight partner there so you pretend your relationship is something as radical as a same-sex one. How are you all so obtuse?
Do you realize how rude you sound? You’re saying that us bi/pan people can’t bring the person we love and care for. You’re saying the only reason you people want us in our organizations and pride is because we also love people of the same sex. You’re completely missing the point of out identities. Also, how are you going to know if someone isn’t cis? I’m not cis but I present female. Are you going to check for people’s not cis cards or just bash everyone who doesn’t meet what you think a non-cis person looks like?
And suddenly this post isn’t about ace people anymore.
Look, asexual people are not heterosexual. They may be sex-positive heteroromantic, but the fact is that heterosexuality is about sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex, homosexuality is about sexual attraction to members of the same sex and asexuality is about not having sexual attraction. They may engage in sex, and they still physically respond, but the drive is not there.
I am not trying to belittle the biphobia in the queer community. And I think that bi/pan people should be able to bring their significant others to Pride, because while the A in LGBTQA does not stand for ‘ally’, allies are still important. But this post started being about ace people, and that got dropped in favour of the struggle against biphobia.
Both are problematic in similar but incredibly distinct ways, and at the end of the day, it comes down to this: PASSING AS STRAIGHT IS NOT A PRIVILEGE. Asexual people are not heterosexual just because they’re not sexually attracted to their own gender. Because they’re not sexually attracted to the opposite gender either.
We are not ‘straight’. We may be heteroromatic, biromantic, panromantic, homoromantic, but the -sexuality part of heterosexuality and homosexuality is still a part of the word. And just because someone - bi, ace, whatever - can pass as a cis het person doesn’t mean we’re ‘not queer enough’.
“Asexual people are not heterosexual just because they’re not sexually attracted to their own gender. Because they’re not sexually attracted to the opposite gender either.”
I love how gatekeepers simultaneously try to use the biphobia we experience in the community as a white knight weapon against aces, even as they say HEY YOU CAN BE BI BUT DON’T COME TO PRIDE UNLESS YOU LOOK GAY,. MMKAY? BI IS BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG WE SUPPORT U uwu uwu uwu~ reblog if u agree
Aces have been told their entire lives they are broken. It was listed as
a mental illness until recently. They have faced corrective rape,
and abuse, and trying to fit a mold instead of being respected for who they are–does any of this sound familiar?
Oh, and of course, forgive me for thinking the sweeping declaration “aces are homophobic” is patently full of shit, because that’s the same tired line gatekeepers use when bisexuals don’t know their place.
As a bisexual woman with an amazing ace in her life: fuck you. It’s
shitheel behavior like yours that has no place in the community.
You’re hypocrites. Like, the lack of self-awareness is giving me a headache. How do you function with so much bile?
Don’t try to use all bisexuals as your excuse to be assholes, either, just cite the
bisexual assholes that agree with you. Because for every one you trot
out as “proof” the Great Bi Hivemind agrees with you, I can trot out one
that does not.
Asexuality is to sexuality as atheism is to theism. It’s not another type of thing, it’s the lack of it altogether. I honestly don’t think it belongs with LGBT. It’s just not the same issue.
I thought LGBTA was a safe space for all people of different sexual orientation
. Cause, you know asexual is one of them.
And considering I grew up thinking I was broken and something was wrong with me until I got education outside school and figured out who I was with LGBTA sites and people.
I grew up with family members saying they were disappointed I would never have children. You haven’t met the right person yet! You need therapy, there’s something wrong with you. Everyone needs someone to be complete! You just need to try harder!
I forced relationships because I believed those fucking lies. I let people coerce me into doing things deep down I know I didn’t want. And I still felt nothing. Men? Well no, I have close friends, had people I cared for but I feel nothing. Women? Anyone? Same fucking result. NOTHING.
I WISH I could have easily known what I was then. it would have saved me so much pain.
I wish someone told me it was okay to want a close relationship without anything sexual. That I didn’t need to fuck someone to make a relationship meaningful. That a close platonic relationship is just as valid.
Because I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GATEKEEPERS DEEMING ME NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH IN SAFE SPACES.
So you can kindly fuck off if you think excluding aces is ok because its “not the same issue.”
Not sure why this post started floating around again but I reread it and was reminded how much of similar stuff I STILL hear every day.
I don’t even like discussing it with many people because I’m either dismissed or met with jokes. My parents are very well meaning and try to understand but sometimes underhanded stuff still slips through. Strangers and acquaintances seem to always think they would know myself better than me and parrot the same lines I hear so often again and again and again.
I guess that explains why I always had at least one very close platonic relationship going on at a time. Love was there, just not anything romantic or sexual. But I know it was love, I deeply cared for this person, I would do anything for this person. Growing up I just figured the other stuff would naturally follow, but it never did. Caused a lot of pain and bullying that only reinforced my idea that I was broken.
I’m doing much better knowing what I know now, and I have a deep relationship I’m truly happy with.
